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He’s a one eyed optometrist with a cauliflower addiction. She hunts babies for sport. But could a chance Christmas encounter mean a forever love blossoms. Find out this Saturday on The Hallmark Channel. 
my wife saw onlyfans on our credit card statement so now I have to get her a ceiling fan for christmas
My son asked me where poo came from. I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest answer. He looked perplexed and stared at me for a minute then asked….and tigger?
Sure are a lot of gender reveals for their being no genders
the worst part about lockdown is thinking of all those Pokémon outside just waiting to be found
When the pandemic ends, don’t forget to update your Face ID so your phone can recognize you without that cheeto dust mustache.
Come on people now Smile on your brother Everybody get together Try to love one another Right now
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll keep you posted.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
I can't get a break. I bought a can of evaporated milk, opened it up...it was full.
So what caused GM to beg for a bailout 10 years ago. I am sure it wasnt bad management
Like this status if you're the type of person who likes to carry all your groceries into your house in one trip, but then realize at the front door you have so many bags in your hands you can't get the keys out of pocket.
a sneaking suspicion that we've read this before. if you read them here 5 or 10 pages ago odds are we did too.
Please everyone..don't forget to let everyone know when you take a crap. Facebook wants us to know EVERYTHING about each other :/
My life is not a failure. I am just compiling a comprehensive list of things that did not work as planned.
to the ppl thinknig facebook is really charging...send your payments to: (my name), Po box...
Caught a flounder in my crab trap....What a fluke.
The only time it's cool to yell “I have diarrhea!” is when you're playing Scrabble.
Nobody ever pays me in gum ( -_-)
A friend of mine was wounded in combat. He sprained his ankle when he tripped over a table during a bar fight. 