Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   has a dog with no legs named Cigarette. Everyday I put on his leash and take him out for a drag.

   ...thinks animal testing is a terrible idea. they get all nervous and give the wrong answers anyway

   was going to go to Walmart today but my tie dyed t-shirt and my sweatpants with whole in the arse of em were in the wash, besides , I had a haircut yesteday and it's neat and tidy , I just wouldn't have fit in

   wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT

   catching flies and turning them into crawls

   Instead of RIP, do Hindus put BRB on their gravestones?

   The smallest woman can break the biggest man in the world with three little words: Is it in?

   Nothing sucks worse then buying a girl drinks all night and watching her leave with another dude.

   The wizard of oz is the ultimate chick flick, two women trying to kill each other over shoes

   am I the only one who gets the urge to kick small children when I see them walking really slowly in front of me?

   The mullet is a helmet for domestic violence.

   World population rankings: 1:China 2:India 3:Facebook 4:USA

   Laundry, my old nemesis…so we meet again. And I see you have brought your sidekick, Dirty Dishes with you. Well played evil villian, well played.

   My girlfriend got f**ked by a clown before we dated. So I have some pretty big shoes to fill.

   Wanted, Teenager owners manuel for models 1993 thru 1996. Must be kid tested and mother approved.

   taking a trip to the "far side" today.. Yes.. I am going to Wal-Mart..

   I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.

   if I was a squirrel, and you were a tree I would store my nuts in your hole.

   Micheal Jackson was as straight as curly fries.....

   Sometimes a big fish in a small pond is just a fat guy in a baby pool.