Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Heart palpitations count as cardio, right?
←Rate | 10-24-2010 15:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎10 should be the limit of how many times you can go on Maury looking for your baby daddy.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 15:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you say "beer can" with a British accent, you can say "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 15:01 Comments (10)  


   messageicon Here's a helpful hint: the fastest way to get a hold of a live person is to scream obscenities at the voice prompts.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reports show that $22 billion in productivity is lost to social media, but I'm pretty sure people slacked off before Facebook.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks the “8″ in “Kate Plus 8″ refers to the remaining viewers.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon dropped my car off for an ice cream paint job, but they messed up and got it CLEAN on the inside and CREAM on the outside. Idiots.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon feeling so good today. High-five the person next to you and tell them it's from me.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so dependent on the Google "did you mean ____?" that I barely bother to spell anything correctly anymore.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Playtime is over, worktime has be-gun!” – Stewie Griffin
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon was about to put on my white jeans then realized it's after Labour Day. Phew, what a fashion mistake that would have been. I put on my acid washed jeans and leg warmers instead.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:56 Comments (1)  


   messageicon always look on the bright side. For example, don't think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to have to start following my brain. Clearly, my heart is an idiot.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:53 Comments (2)  


   messageicon ‘s computer is sooo slooow. It must be running Windows B.C.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Taylor Swift, Kanye took your microphone not your virginity. Let's move on...
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon credits Tetris for the speed and agility I display when loading the dishwasher.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon thought they put covers on books so I COULD judge them.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The internet: where the men are men, the women are men, and the children are the police.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just watched a show about a person who was addicted to pizza. I believe the technical name for this condition is "normal."
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't like the fire, don't tickle the dragon.
←Rate | 10-24-2010 14:48 Comments (0)  



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