Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you are drunk, and you get bitten by a mosquito. Since alcohol is in your blood, I wonder what that does to the mosquito...Things that make you go hmm...Be Breezy

   Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote..

   I go where I please...and I please where I go.

   I came here to kick ass and chew bubble gum...and I'm all out of gum

   I plan to open a pancake house in Japan called Japancakes.

   You know your ugly when you have more pictures of your family then yourself ' Haha

   next time my name is in your mouth I hope you choke on it ass =)

   realized that if no one can reach you.....you never have to waste time returning phone calls.

   If you want proof that one person can make a difference, punch a stranger in the face.

   If I ever get summoned for jury duty, I plan on appearing in the courtroom in a puff of smoke and yelling, "WHO SUMMONED ME?"

   Life is like a box of chocolates...I don't think so! Mine is more like a box of hand grenades...pull the wrong pin and everything goes flying!

   Whenever I get a message that begins with "Hey Stranger" I know I'm about to be asked for a favor by someone I don't want to help.

   I'm afraid people can see me through my web cam even though its off.

   I don't know if my liver or heart hurts more during a break up...

   I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."

   Maybe things would improve if we shipped Congress's jobs overseas too.

   Okay, so you Republicans taking office, we all expect a complete economic turnaround in less than two years. Got it?

   Just once I would like the pilot to say "Hey gang, who here wants to just keep flying and see where we end up?"

   All I wanna do is have my mind erased

   It isn't until all's been said and done that you actually realize all you should have said and done.