Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   There once was a man named Hawking, who got bored of walking He got on a scooter, attached a computer, and now it does all of his talking

   without a doubt the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.

   Working with 4 women and married to another, I don't forsee being a polygamist anytime in my future

   I'm thinking of leaving my body to science. Even scientists need a good laugh now and then.

   Guess what? I've got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell.

   Life is full of up's & down's, so UP the music & DOWN the Tequila

   money isn't the key to happiness? then where is the key? hidden in a stupid box somewhere, like in Pirates Of The Caribbean?

   Breaking News... President Obama travels to India to visit former American jobs...

   The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

   You hate me? I didn't even know you existed.

   I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

   Dear complicated life decisions: be easier.

   Dear Week, I am leaving you for the Weekend. I would say it's not you, it's me, but let's face it, it was you. Sincerely, Me

   There's a fine line between looking tan and looking like you rolled in a bag of Doritos.

   my sub teacher in 11th grade was born without arms, he asked a girl "need a hand" & she laughed ..he should of slapped her!

   Don't tell other people your problems. 90% of people don't care, and the other 10% are glad you have them.

   Not a good idea to Text/tweet and walk at the same time. Trust me, the pole is closer than you think...

   i thought I saw you today, but as I got closer, I realized it was a trash can

   Remember, a doggie isn't just for Christmas... it's a f-kin good position all year round!

   Raining cats and dogs.....Why can't it rain cougars amd beavers?