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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I swear if this day gets any better, I'm gonna have to sit on my hands to keep from clapping!!!
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12-07-2010 15:23
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When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we've met before." so they feel awkward trying to remember me.
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12-07-2010 15:18 by
Marshall the Great
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Just got a Facebook "confirmed friend request" email from the bar I got kicked out of a few weeks ago. That means I'm allowed back in, right?
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12-07-2010 15:16 by
Marshall the Great
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Alarm clocks. Because every morning should begin with a heart attack.
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12-07-2010 15:05 by
Heather25
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Just so there are no misunderstandings, I am here for my own entertainment.
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12-07-2010 15:03 by
Heather25
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So, I saw a can of Lysol that was "original" scent. What the heck does "original" smell like??
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12-07-2010 14:55 by
Heather25
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How come no one will ever hold my hand and skip with me in public places??
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12-07-2010 14:53 by
Heather25
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I don't speed.....I drive with purpose!
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12-07-2010 14:52 by
Heather25
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I need to be a greeter at Walmart so I can direct people appropriately. "Nair for your lady mustache aisle 4...Deodorant for that stench aisle 5..." etc.
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12-07-2010 14:35 by
Rayzvibe
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having a spirited game of "got your nose" with a snowman. I'm totally kicking his ass!
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12-07-2010 14:01 | Tags: Filtered
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finds it interesting that the word "palindrome" is not a palindrome..
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12-07-2010 13:47 by
The One & Only
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today, when I asked my dad why wedding dresses are white, he replied; "son, all household appliances come in white".
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12-07-2010 13:42 by
Joe
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Make up, the worst lie man will ever come across
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12-07-2010 13:30
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sitting beside a hot girl that just picked her nose and put it under her seat... She's no longer hot.
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12-07-2010 13:27 by
Brick
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"Do you know where the nearest payphone is located?" Um... 1998?
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12-07-2010 13:09 by
Aaron
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4
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can tell you the 5 most unappealing words in the English language... Used Hot Tub For Sale.
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12-07-2010 13:09 by
@The69Sheriff
Comments (
6
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When the cable goes out, I like to sit down and do some writing. ...Usually a check to the cable company.
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12-07-2010 12:52 by
@Jimboleem
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Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I also accept gifts in the form of beer, casual sex and football tickets
102
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12-07-2010 12:43
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I asked Mom if I was a gifted child… she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
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12-07-2010 12:16
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Most people don't act stupid – it's the real thing.
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12-07-2010 12:13 by
Marshall the Great
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