Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   increasingly tempted to use the 'Like' button as a subversive, vaguely passive-aggressive weapon. For instance, some shithead I recently deleted who I was never too keen on, announced that his car had been stolen...It seeemed an ideal moment to click like

   127.0.0.1 I wish I was with you right now and not at work. I would love to crawl in your nice warm bed and snuggle under the covers.

   I hate people that say " He's a nice person once you get to know him." They might as well just say " He's a dickhead, but you'll get used to it."

   There is no such thing as being underdressed when you're going to Wal-Mart.

   You'll know I'm your "Secret Santa" when you dont get anything!

   In the news: Police squad helps dog bite victim. ........... You'd think they would be trying to stop it.

   Darnit, my kufi doesn't match my dashiki. What on earth will I wear for Kwanzaa??

   Dong. Oh Dong! Where is my automobile?

   I can't believe they've imprisoned Wesley Snipes without first cryogenically preserving Sylvester Stallone

   Decided to put up a Christmas tree this year....wrestled with it a bit..finally got in in place... it smells like Christmas now.. and it looks so cool, hanging from my car's rearview mirror :)

   MTV just sent me a message that had something to do with fist pumping with Snooki and The Situation this New Year's Eve. Can I fist pump them in the jaw?

   With all these numbers opping up, you would think somone would have a bingo by now

   I've been in a relationship with Jack Daniels for so long...should be able to claim him as a dependant on my taxes.

   Score ! I just bought my wife a 20 pound bag of Diamonds for Christmas......well they're diamonds in the rough...... maybe EARLY stage diamonds...... but with enough time and pressure......they will be diamonds......Thanks Kingsford !

   I would do alot of things... But catch a grenade... Line has got to be drawn somewhere...

   thinking if somebody invented vibrating tampons women would enjoy their period a lot more!!

   The only # game I am playing is Barcardi 151, Seagrams 7&7, Weller 107 and maybe Maddog 20/20!!!

   My car heater has two settings: face melting and off.

   Every Christmas Eve my family tries to break the record of number of people stuffed into one kitchen.

   If you always do what you have always done, then you will get what you have always got.