Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I really wish I hadn't heard that, I would be so much happier not knowing.

   Gonna try grocery shopping drunk. Can't believe I've never thought if this before.

   Tortilla chips - aka The Mexican Fork

   When picking out a name for your kid make sure it's something you won't mind saying a BILLION times.

   Who would win: Twenty years of experience combined with specialized professional training vs. Google?

   I just learned that to burn off the calories from 1 M&M you have to walk the length of a football field. BRB I have to run to China.

   Any one can stay true to your face, it's the people who stay true behind your back that really count.

   "I'll give you a TKO from Tokyo!" ~ Piston Honda

   I'll take the high road but only after taking a little joy ride on the low road to leave tread marks behind.

   feels like an Atari 2600 in a Playstation 3 world.

   How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke her face! Duh!

   It's hard to maintain good eye contact with a cute pedestrian once she slips beneath your wheel.

   Today is the last day of fall. Raking leaves through this snow was a real pain today.

   says "Water Under the Bridge should stay under the Bridge!"

   Just once I would like to begin my Christmas shopping before December 24th

   Jack Frost nipped my nose, so I hit him in the snowballs!

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.

   "When they're not fighting or racing light cycles, I'll bet the citizens of TRON spend a lot of time on the phone with tech support" -Conan OBrien

   Got caught with a beer while driving... Who would have thought they would pull over a schoolbus.

   i'm not a back buner meal for no one,, i'm the main course or you don't eat...