Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Old Bay, A1, and hot sauce. That's my "I Put That S**T on everything" list.

   Like a Spider Monkey Hopped up on Mountain Dew !!!!!

   In most conversations, my face is basically a red battery logo with 10% written next to it.

   I just read that having sex burns just as much calories as running 4 miles. Who the f@&k runs 4 miles in 30 seconds?

   My girlfriend wants something with lots of diamonds for Valentine's Day. She is going to love this deck of cards!

   I wish Google could tell me where my T.V. remote is right now.

   The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.!!

   Why limit happy to just an hour?

   You know what commercial I really hate? All of em.

   I gave this guy a sausage and he traded me a seabird... It was then I realized I had taken a tern for the wurst.

   I wonder if anyone who played Operation as a kid grew up to be a doctor or anyone who played Monopoly grew up to be a thimble.

   My Favorite color is Booze!!

   Knock knock. Who's there? Weekend! Weekend who? 'We can end' working for a couple of days thank you very much!!!

   Wine is constant proof that God loves us & loves to see us happy:)

   Wishes my lovehandles would love somebody else!

   If your happy and you know it, Go away

   "I save money by purchasing really gay super small super tight t-shirts instead of Under Armour"

   Todays forcast is sarcastic with a 60% chance of STFU!! Now to Bob with sports....

   Let's talk dirty" ... "What DID YOU SAY?!" ... "I said it's 10:30...

   Its a sad day. Signed, Epstein's Mother