Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you never faked being the victim of a shark attack in the pool, then you didn't have a childhood.

   be careful when threat textin, jus told someone who owed me money I was gonna eat their ass if I didnt get it back

   You're so smart, you're probably turning the square in TETRIS

   If ever you get sad, think of a T-Rex trying to masturbate

   Superbowl - what my wife eats cereal out of every morning!

   Who needs a therapist when you have music!

   Small things amuse small minds.

   A woman without curves is like jeans without pockets. You just don't know where to put your hands.

   The dilemma with resisting temptation is that it may never be offered again.

   I need a lot of coffee to start the day and a lot of booze to end it.

   Get a “Head Start” on the day… Oral sex first thing in the morning!

   Texting angry....All CAPPS!!

   Marriage should have an expression date!

   Town so small get mugged buy people you know!

   Never knew if my father would hit us or the bottle!

   Ladies......I am rebound material!

   My father was a professional wrestler. He hit us but did not hit us!!

   My wife is going to crap when she sees I've fixed the toilet

   "Pay me now Round Eyes" kinda ruins that delightful happy ending moment

   If you spend more time looking in his phone then looking in his heart, You should prolly set your ship sailing.