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J think Head and Shoulders was on the top of Jeffery Dahmers grocery list 
Why don't Mexico have an Olympic team this year? Because all those who can run, jump and swim are in America!!
Gotta love Facebook. I can update my status, post pictures and even chat with numerous people.....and nobody knows I'm not wearing any pants.
I don't see why everybody wants a white iPhone. Everyone knows the black one runs faster.
Penguins can't fly, I can't fly. Therefore, I am a penguin.
A 90 year old cashier in the speedy checkout lane.... Good move Walmart.
Some people cry when they cut onions. I try not to form an emotional bond.
there's something about the people on Doomsday Planners that makes me think they're serious
Girl look at that body, I work out! Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle...
Do you know any jokes about sodium? Na
sickipedia dot org, is the best, and most of the status here are stolen from there
You paint a pretty picture, too bad it's color by number
There is no such thing as a man being Inappropriately touched by a female !
In light of inflation....... the rapper "Fifty-Cent" has now changed his name to "Buck Fifty"
In light of the higher gas prices, the rapper "Fifty-Cent" will now be known as 1/16th of a Gallon. That is all...
So Chris Brown is starting a new US tour. First he's going to hit Savannah, then Charlotte and then Madison. And then and only after he's hit all three will he start touring
B: "I'm so mad at you." Me: "Why? I've only been awake 15 seconds." B: "A girl in my dream was flirting with you!" Me: "I'm sorry that a fictional girl flirted with me. Was she blonde? I like blondes." B: "You should give up talking for lent."
If 40 is the new 20, does that mean 20 is the new 10, and if so, do I need to delete these photos off my phone?
If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved.
Right about now, Billy Crystal is waking up totally nude in a huge champagne glass somewhere.
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