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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Insomnia is nature's way of saying you're not done bugging people for the day.
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03-11-2012 22:12 by
K-Mac
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Look at the risks men take when they meet a woman, if they are lucky...they get screwed otherwise they get screwed for life;)
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03-11-2012 21:47
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When I have to put on one of those thick leather weightlifter belts to take a crap, I know it's time to eat some vegetables.!
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03-11-2012 21:22
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You sit quietly under a needle for hours getting a tattoo but if I touch you with my ice cold feet you let out a bloodcurdling scream.
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03-11-2012 21:16 by
fadolo
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FYI: If you beep your horn .03 seconds after the light changes green, I will shut off my car, lay on the hood, and feed birds for an hour!
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03-11-2012 21:13 by
fadolo
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Gotta love the siri iphone 4. My friend farted in the car and siri new we had pizza..!!
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03-11-2012 21:09
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I haven't changed my clock since last year so today my clock is finally right!
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03-11-2012 20:53 by
uscgamecock
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Who cares what Dr. Oz says? He used to be a Wizard, now he's only a Doctor. Screw that loser. He's clearly on the way down.
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03-11-2012 20:45 by
Mickey
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Never, ever be ashamed of what you are. I'M not ashamed of what you are.
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03-11-2012 20:24 by
Mickey
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I was a real stud in bed last night. We started having sex at 1:57 am and finished at 3:05 am.
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03-11-2012 19:34
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(-_(-_(-_(*-_-)_-)_-) (>^_^)> }¡{ Dammiit Dude quit chasing that butterfly & get back over here
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03-11-2012 17:48 by
fadolo
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Coffee , you're on the bench ..... Beer , suit up , you`re on .........
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03-11-2012 17:13
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I hope daylight savings time hasn't thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing
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03-11-2012 16:47 by
smeebert
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Help! I'm an heiress trapped in the life of a peasant.
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03-11-2012 16:23
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Does anyone know where I can get a new lease on life? The one I have isn't working out.
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03-11-2012 16:19
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if you havin kony problems I feel bad for you son, he snatched 99 children and your post saved none.
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03-11-2012 16:18
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Coffee, you're on the bench. Alcohol, suit up.
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03-11-2012 16:16
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M&M's totally melt in your hand.
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03-11-2012 16:15
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I miss Sunday afternoon football. The people living in this house keep trying to speak to me.
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03-11-2012 16:12
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Look you asked me to be your childs Godfather so don't get pissed at me because I taught him how to break knees and collect debts.
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03-11-2012 16:05
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