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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Ignore me for five minutes and I'll ignore you for five months.
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03-12-2012 14:04
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There's an evil intention behind every gallon of gas.
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03-12-2012 13:58 by
Nobody
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my dog is going off the rails on a gravy train...
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03-12-2012 13:57
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My thoughts of you make me the perfect mixture of happy and horny.
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03-12-2012 13:50 by
Czovczov
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there a law that says your socks have to match?
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03-12-2012 13:47
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My greatest fear on Monday is greeting someone and asking someone how their weekend went and they actually telling me every mundane details about it.
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03-12-2012 13:42 by
Nobody
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At the airport heading off to spring break. TSA hassling me about my suitcase full of wet t-shirts.
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03-12-2012 12:06 by
SuthernFukr
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I said to a fat girl today, "You're a big girl!" She replied, "Tell me something I don't know." I said, "Salad tastes good."
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03-12-2012 12:05 by
BEGO
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just purchased a very effective piece of weight loss equipment...its called a hula hoop
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03-12-2012 11:37
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Have you heard they came out with a "NEW" Seven Dwarfs? Moody, Pissy, B*tchy, Tipsy, Clutzy, Crabby and his twin Crappy. They all live in my house cleverly disguised as my family! Want to come over?
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03-12-2012 11:35 by
acreak
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drugs, sex and music doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does milk
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03-12-2012 10:43 by
@shaunpatrick01
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Don't fight stupidity with anger, fight it with sarcasm. Much more fun
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03-12-2012 10:41 by
@shaunpatrick01
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Do you know what I think is alarming?.... Clocks.
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03-12-2012 10:41
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They say lethal injection causes no pain. How do they know?
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03-12-2012 10:35 by
@shaunpatrick01
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People just dont get practical jokes any more, prank calls, super glue on the toilet, the electic toaster in the bath... Sigh
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03-12-2012 10:35 by
@shaunpatrick01
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i just spelled a word so incorrectly that spell check just enrolled me back into school
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03-12-2012 10:34 by
@shaunpatrick01
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When I was born, I was given a choice - a big pecker or a good memory.... I don't remember what I chose. - Andy Rooney
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03-12-2012 10:23
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Virginity can be cured.
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03-12-2012 10:19
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There's got to be an easier way to get vodka into a Capri Sun.
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03-12-2012 10:05 by
fadolo
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I think I invented some new kama sutra moves trying to reach the remote without getting up.
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03-12-2012 09:41 by
SuthernFukr
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