Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When Jedi need to read PDFs, they use Adobe Wan Kenobi.

   My status makes others look like tweets, my profile picture is a work of art, I am quite simply the most interesting man on Facebook

   You make me hold it for 250 miles, good luck on the last twenty feet A$$HOLE!-Bladder

   The amount of times I've had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent.

   everybody knows the real good friday is in two weeks 4/20

   Of the seven deadly sins, I consider Dopey the worst.

   I just sneezed on my phone and it made little rainbow sparkles all over the screen. I'm pretty sure that makes me a Wizard.

   Went to the playboy mansion today got a real BUNNY..!!

   she knows that some people never have to worry about hemorrhoirds, because they are perfect a**holes.

   Two can be as bad as one It's the loneliest number since the number one

   No is the saddest experience you'll ever know..

   I know it's 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?

   The cool thing about Taco Bell's " 5 buck box " Is that if you time your eating right... As soon as your done, you can turn right around and use the box to make a Mexican " soft serve" in it......... I know,, what a green idea

   The day after Easter should be known as Egg Salad Monday.

   Apple cobbler? Uh,, No thanks,,, If I ever want shoes made for my apples,, I'll buy them at the mall where they're cheaper,,, I'm NOT an idiot..

   I think I wasted my 15 minutes of fame trying to save money on car insurance.

   Goals for this weekend: 1) get drunk 2) find Easter bunny & take Instagram pic of him 3) get drunk again 4) eat chocolate 5) refer to 1&3

   Wait !! Everybody stop posting,,,,, I dropped a contact lens

   American Idol would be so much better if Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets were the judges.

   It's a shame that Qatar's national airline is "Qatar Airways",, and not the far superior "Air Qatar".