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Why post a picture on Facebook with the caption 'OMG I'm sooooooo ugly or fat' and then get annoyed when I agree? 
Facebook is the leading cause to cell phone battery deaths.
Ghetto pronunciation: Bathroom = Baafrumm, Refrigerator = Fridgerataa, Remote = Moken Troll.
Women drivers are like stars in the sky. You can see them, but they can't see you.
can I see your license and registration meow?
Pretty soon people will be saying, "You were born in the 1900's?"
I wonder how people would react if I walked into Sea World with a fishing pole.
My parents used to be happy when I took naps but now they think I'm lazy.
I bet procrastinating serial killers wait until today to buy their hockey masks.
I go to your page because I miss you, then regret it because of what I see.
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
The most ordinary things are made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people...
I hate when people are trying to talk to me when I'm in the middle of doing something really important... like being awesome.
ever wonder where hoarders come from? have a Yard Sale....
The picture that comes inside the picture frame you buy, The people in it are always more attractive than the people in your picture. Makes it difficult to make the switch
I got a job as a bounty hunter in China, I couldn't believe my luck!...Every time they put up a new wanted poster, the guy they were looking for was standing right next to me!
Dear fb now that we are all use to timeline don't you think you should change the format again..?
Facebook is slowly evolving into Myspace. Remember how you could post pictures and signs on Myspace well that's pretty much all that I see anymore. We all know what happened to Myspace. That's right no one uses it anymore. Just sayin
I want an app. that tells me if my post sucked,, or my timing did.
What doesn't kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
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