Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You can tell how well people cut their grass,, by the way they color things in,, on "Draw Something."

   I'm gonna get one of those giant, old-timey bicycles. You know the type, where if you tipped over you fell 20ft. and died..... yeah,,one of those

   Only dead fish go with the flow.

   Take your pleasure seriously.

   Smart girls open their minds. Easy girls open their legs & foolish girls open their hearts.

   Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping

   If my door was closed when you came in, make sure its closed on your way out. Thank you!

   As you take another breath, someone takes their last. Stop complaining; appreciate life.

   If the minimum wage is good enough for all Americans, then that's how much Congress should make as well.

   My girlfriend said we can't hang out this weekend because she doesn't exist.

   Dear Google, please don't tell anyone about the things I've searched for- Sincerely everyone.

   My girlfriend told me I'm awful in bed. I don't know how she can tell in 30 seconds.

   How do you make a woman blind?.... Stick a car windscreen in front of the b!tch.

   Ben got really upset when I called him a f@g, I've never seen someone run down the road in high heels so fast.

   What if air is just a poisonous gas that takes about 80 years to kill us?

   They say everybody has at least one gay thought in their lifetime... I told myself as I slowly backed away from Justin Biebers new album

   2 car pile up on the Mexican border, thousands die

   There needs to be a class on how to take a mirror photo without looking at your phone, because apparently it's an issue for a lot of you.

   Two cars crashed into each other in Mexico. 57 Dead.,

   Well that was a bit disappointing. That Insta-gram wasn't what I thought it was going to be!