Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Cello Green has T-Rex arms.

   When I die I'm gonna become a ghost & watch attractive people shower.

   When someone sends you a text that says “call me”. Why didn't you just damn call me?

   You know you're awesome when Facebook suggests people you have already had sex with.

   Dear Websites that automatically play loud videos, thanks for trying to get me fired!

   Do NOT lower your standards to "keep" anyone. Make them meet you at YOUR level. Self respect is power.

   I'm going to open a store next to FOREVER 21 and call it "FINALLY 22".....

   If you remember the phrase "Yo Quero Taco Bell", you probably grew up in the 90's.

   Here, let me tell you about a ton of opinionated bull$hit that's not actually news" - Every major news Channe

   I will have my arms get ripped off before making another trip to the car after coming home from the grocery store.

   ever meet someone and want to tell them to go get a bath????........with a toaster???

   Well, I got the new restraining order today. So if anyone needs a stalker I am available. I have some mad stalking skills plus references.

   ah tuesday, mondays slightly less ugly sister

   If I were rich I wouldn't be shaking this ketchup bottle so hard

   I was playing fetch with my neighbor's dog but he's too heavy to carry in my teeth and his fur tastes horrible

   They say diamonds are a girl's best friend but I've never seen a girl talk sh!t about a diamond behind its back.

   I really wish I knew why my real parents sent me to Earth without my superpowers.

   I'm sorry I keep calling you and hanging up. I just got this new phone and it's voice activated. So every time I yell dumb ass, it dials you.

   Rihanna shouldn't be in the new movie Battleship. It should be projected on her forehead.

   Ladies. Want to know if you're pretty? If a male cop has ever given you a ticket, then no, you're not.