Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I bet crackheads totally misinterpreted the "can you smell what 'The Rock' is cooking, saying.

   Are my kids spoiled?...Well lets see..when I was 6 I wanted play doh for my birthday, my kid has asked for play-station

   if William Shatner takes a crap, does he call it a "captain's log"?

   Contrary to popular belief, it's actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress

   now a days...all the little rascals would have been removed from their homes and the parents would be facing neglect charges

   How come changing the channel doesn't get these damn Kardashians off of the tv?

   seeing your neighbour looking at your window with a binocular is creepy, when you are looking at their window with a binocular...

   I'm not loving anyone that I'm not legally required to.

   I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to.

   NEW SECRET SERVICE CODE OF ETHICS: 1.) When arguing with a hooker in the hotel hallway, Use your "Inside" voice. 2.) You're only allowed to jump on a prostitute if you hear her ticking. 3.) Proudly display the U.S. Flag, But NOT the pole.

   Getting Old- It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

   OH, IT'S ON NOW! -me, every time I switch the lights on.

   The Avengers have Assembled.......and The Dark Knight will Rise.

   I'm officially old...spent the day looking for a store that went out of business 20 yrs ago

   Love how the Salvation Army gets top dollar for donated old crap...I thought they were supposed to help poor people. Sorry Mr. Freezing Homeless guy..that coat is $40.

   the circus is in town!!! oh wait, nah, its jus walmart

   Noone is ever best-friends with an English major...

   Had to lift both feet on the toilet today......it was awesome!!!

   ┐('.'┐) ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ (┌'.')┌ cus' this is thriller, thriller night...@

   The transformation of Facebook into MySpace is almost complete.