Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Newt Gingrich bows out of Presidential race to focus on being the world's largest high-fructose corn syrup storage silo.

   I don't think Chumbawumba is getting back up this time.

   Nicholas Cage is the Nickleback of actors.

   In high school I was voted "most likely to succeed". Boy, did I prove those idiots wrong!

   Today, I again lulled myself in to believing that I can eat at a Taco Bell without ending up screaming for an epidural from the men's room.

   A new study found polar bears are capable of swimming vast distances. And they laughed when I warned of an aquatic polar bear invasion

   Why is it I can't get mobile reception sometimes, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?

   I hope I never become one of those dads who yells, "Shut the door, you're letting all the cold air out!" like some sort of cold air hoarder.

   I am on Buford Avenue and basically ready to wrestle anyone who's up for it. Or even not up for it.

   Shout out to all the hard of hearing people!

   My friend absolutely insisted that I come to her muder mystery dinner party, but then she died suddenly under mysterious circumstances

   Jury duty on Monday...That in itself is a joke.

   I can't use the word euouae without experiencing cramping, abdominal pain, bloating &

   A slutty girl is like the first slice of bread in a loaf. Everybody touches it but nobody wants it.

   Every day above ground is a good day.

   there is love and friendship then there is declaring love and friendship on Facebook, two totally different worlds that seldom are one.

   denial is only a river in egypt

   terrifoed that these are our kids 'good ole days'

   if Draw Something is any indication of this country's intelligence..we are in BIG trouble

   wonders if homeless people go trick or treating dressed as bums