Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I texted my girlfriend "goodnight, love you" but accidentally sent it to my boss. Now Its awkward, cause he holds my hand during meetings.

   In other birthday news, Cory Hart turns 50. He now wears his bifocals at night.

   Obese people are roll models.

   I don't need to watch TNT for drama, I have Facebook.

   Ladies, Put your boobs back in your shirt, smile instead of doing that duck face and put your middle finger down. Have some self-respect.

   Men in black 3? How about the fresh prince of bel-air season 7?

   Just when Justin Bieber was gaining street creds by roughing up that photographer, he goes and knocks himself out.

   Curling irons have a warning tag that says "For External Use Only." Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?

   When you love someone more than what they deserve, you get hurt more than what you deserve.

   excuse me......Is that a spray on tan or did you roll in a bag of doritos???????????????????

   ironing clothes for my date tonight when I thought...man, I need a wife to do this ironing...

   People would be way more pissed if that guy ate a puppy's face

   WTH?! Antoine Dodson needs to make another plea, "hide yo kids, hide yo wife, hide yo husband too cause they EATIN everybody out here!"

   promise, as a very white guy, to never say "Salt 'N Peppa" out loud.

   I think I'm slipping.....too many mistakes went unmade today.

   That  moment when the woman you're dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, then you realise she just lost an earring... and that no one else in Starbucks can hear your iPod.

   Wow I get alot of e-mails.... I can't believe so many "singles in my area are dying to meet" me. It's probably all of the I-pads I've won and money they are sending to my bank account from The Nigerian Chambers Of Commerce . Since Prince Howgul Abul Arhu

   F"ing Greece is killing the Stock market.. I'm never eating a Gyro or Wearing a Speedo ever again !!!

   Who else sniffs their fingers after they scratch their balls ? you have to.. its a verification "Yup thats me right there!"

   I Get so Emotional when I'm peeling Onions..!