Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   My boss doesn't realize that I'm cleverly disguised as an adult.

   When I fart...you will be the second person to know.

   Bacon never asks silly questions... Bacon understands.

   My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.

   I wonder if Fabio finally believes its not butter?

   FACT: If you keep a crossbow in your home, you're 70% likelier to be shot and/or laughed at by an intruder with a gun.

   Thanks to all the legal and medical dramas I've watched, I'm pretty sure I'm capable of winning court cases and saving lives.

   I forget how ridiculous I look while air drumming until I see the pictures that come with my red light ticket.

   if dinosaurs really existed why dont you hear about them in the bible?...not even loading 2 of them on the ark

   says I just want to find someone that doesn't deserve my affection so I don't feel guilty when I treat them like sh!t.

   You need motivation to START something, then to keep at it you need DISCIPLINE. You think you have these? Then move your ass.

   I'm Too Lazy, I Need Motivation!

   I kicked Today in the face!!

   I really hate this new fb crap. I don't want to see what my friends comment on or like. It takes forever to see anyones status. I didn't sign up for that garbage.

   I was tickling a toad on his right flipper! Frog giggles amuse me!

   Who remembers the good old days, when people use to communicate by email?

   Am I the only one when they heard about the hand & foot delivered to Ottawa I thought " that's sick!" But when the other set arrived in Vancouver 10 days later I thought "Wow, Canada Post Sucks!"

   Sometimes I like to walk next to people and sync with their step

   Emotionally: I'm done. Mentally: I'm drained. Spiritually: I'm dead. Physically: I smile.

   I'm against recycling because it makes me appear to be a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.