Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Warning: Alcohol may make people appear more doable than they actually are.

   Myyy milkshake brings all the boys to the yard & they're like ew what is this semen & I'm like no refunds

   ATTENTION Guys who don't have sex with their wife when she's pregnant in fear of hurting the baby: Don't flatter yourselves.

   Fart when people hug you. It makes them feel strong.

   Besides falling in love. What other hobbies do you have?

   Don't judge a woman by her granny panties but by what's inside.

   Have you ever pushed a door that said pull?

   I propose that we abolish marriage and engage in 3 year contracts instead, with the option for renewal.

   If a thief ever broke into my home, I'd just pretend to be a thief too... We'll laugh & hug and then he'll leave because I was there first.

   Say what you will about Michael Jackson....but at least he wasn't nosey.

   Today's forecast: expect to see everyone's pictures of the triple digit temperatures inside their cars as it bakes in the sun BEFORE the A/C is turned on!

   Nothing says "SEXY" like your woman holding two fishing poles and a tackle box saying "Let's go!".

   A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.

   I had a very confusing time when I tried to buy a Wii in France.

   I'm Not Arguing. I'm Simply Explaining Why I'm Right.-Women

   I had to go on two diets because one wasn't giving me enough food.

   I try to accomplish something before the microwave reaches zero.

   The Miss Universe Pageant is obviously rigged. The winner is always from Earth.

   A Brief History of Our Times: As televisions became flatter, people became rounder.

   its so hot, I just saw a bird blow on a worm before it ate it