Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Say NO to the Bathroom Duckface & Quacker Lips photo epidemic.

   My favorite Chinese place has the best peepee Coke and pupu platter

   I've been trying to improve some vegan recipes,, but so far all I've come up with is "add steak."

   I just finished writing a book on monkeys... I DON'T recommend buying it though,,,,, monkeys make a TERRIBLE writing surface.

   Hey feminists, 70% of a penny for your thoughts?

   I am going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, you can just tell them I'm outstanding

   To overcome my gambling addiction my therapist advised me to Google it. It's hard to look past the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button though.

   Supplies! -Asian surprise party

   I hope there comes a day when cancer is just a zodiac sign

   How about adding "Be a nice person" to your bucket list. Any as*hole can jump out of a plane.

   A smart man will buy his wife the finest china, so she won't trust him to touch it.

   Have you seen the latest stripper poll. 87% of them are skanks...

   Make little things count.....Teach midgets math.

   I think "Magic Mike" will lead to many a man getting laid because of their woman coming home from the theatre horny. Thanks Magic Mike

   I often pick my dog's poop up with an empty Baby-Ruth wrapper... What I do with it afterwards is strictly on a need-to-know basis.

   If ANY of my posts have made even one person's day better,, then there's something seriously wrong with that person

   Girls are never wrong. Until they are. Then they cry and are, somehow, not wrong again.

   One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.

   If you watch porn in high definition you can actually see how lonely you are.

   Truly amazed by how much the people in the commercials care for us.