Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Two Facebook addicts walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says.................NOTHING,, cause he's just staring down at his phone

   Hey, guy that puts the stickers on fruit....NOBODY likes you.

   Keep an eye on people who always remain calm & collected. It's always a pretty fun scene when they finally have their inevitable breakdown.

   Traveled home by pogo stick last night, got stopped by the police for jumping a red light.

   Man, it was so HOT today, Instagram stop working!.....

   I still remember that moment I said I love you too, coz thats the exact moment my life got fuçked up!

   Instagram … because our attention spans can't even handle 140 characters anymore.

   My girl just called to tell me she went into labor. I said, "Hell yeah, its about time you got a job!"

   I was delivered by C-section. I think thats what led me to have such low self esteem...Why wasnt I worthy of and A or at least B-Section..

   I checked the thermometer outside. The temperature read "Fuck this shit! Stay in the house!"

   Playing a new game on my girlfriends computer, its called guess the password.

   I tried to kill myself once with Asprin, but after the first two I felt better.

   I was just dishonorably discharged from Old Navy.

   Woke up in the middle of my sleep.Only thing that's keeping my neighbor's barking dog alive now is that I'm still sleepy.

   "You "go ahead , I'm gonna go for the one with the smaller breast" said no man ever

   Always remember the saying when you are hoping for the something that you feel is impossible to get.....where there is a will, there is a way...now....to find Will O_O

   I follow people who imitate real celebrities on Twitter because my self esteem isn't quite low enough yet.

   honesty is a very expensive thing that I wouldnt expect from cheap people

   Feelings are like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf.

   a woman with loose morals “Frito Lay”?