Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   She could have a Grammy, and I would still treat her like a Nominee.

   When I get old, I want to be sent off on an iceberg to die. Mostly because good luck finding an iceberg in 50 years.

   My Facebook persona did not sleep well last night.

   Why do men act so surprised when they see a stripper jump out of a cake? Do they think someone got them a 4 feet cake to eat? Idiots.

   Hey, guess what! No one cares. Stew in your own sh*tty mess that you made for yourself. And also have a nice day.

   s/o to the pig that died to make this bacon I'm eating. You, sir, are delicious. Enjoy the afterlife, you've earned it.

   When is a man the smartest? When he's having sex; Why? Because he's plugged into the know it all machine.

   Hey, just came over to extend a big warm welcome to nobody caresville...population: me

   I don't know why you're here, but I'm just here to have fun.

   Love may be blind, but It doesn't have to be stupid.

   Then God said, “Let there be Internet drama”; and there was Internet drama. And God saw that it was good.

   Let us all take a moment, and be thankful that spiders can't fly.

   Universal truth: sun rises in the East Fact: sun neither rises nor sets, the Earth rotates... Moral: Education kills our Common Sense

   Sometimes you just need your space, so you can figure out how you fit into someone else's.

   If there were a pill for stupid....some people would have to take more than one.

   Someone on FB called me a clown. Now I've got to go hide under his bed with a knife cause that's what clowns do.

   My version of camping involves the bathroom floor & a hand towel for a blanket.

   Have you ever said something and immediately thought "I didn't know I knew that."

   Alcohol makes me worse at everything except telling secrets.

   There are friends, there is family and then there are friends that become family.