Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   it's a crazy day when guys wanna see a movie about a teddy bear and girls wanna see a movie about strippers

   I'm going to take 3 hours to decide what bad movie I want to watch & then pass out

   Sometimes, I wish I had a husband to ignore & not f^ck so I could build a crafts empire.

   I did this weird thing once where I almost left the house happy.

   Making people uncomfortable really brightens up my day.

   You're not nearly as obsessed with me as you should be.

   I'm still not entirely sure what instagram is

   You had me at "life is total B.S."

   How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it.

   I'd speak my mind but that's the only thing from stopping me from puking all over you at this point.

   You know you're getting older when you would rather ignore someone, so you don't have to go through the trouble of disposing their body...

   You had me at "You f*cking weirdo" just before you shut your window curtains

   Dear JB HATERs – I owe my life to Justin. On March 9th, 2009 I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car crash. One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song, so I got up, and turned the radio off.

   No Calls ? I Understand . No Text ? I Understand , But When You See Me With Someone Else Please Understand .

   That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!

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   Most girls: “I hangout with guys, there's less drama.” Me: “I hangout by myself. There's no drama & I don't have to wear pants.”

   The first rule of relationships: You don't find out why someone was available until it's too late.

   I sure do feel a hell of alot more attractive at walmart than I do at the gym...

   There are now online dating sites for seniors... I bet that "forgot password?" button is gonna get used a lot.