Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you're not going to stick to the time you gave me, don't give me a time at all..

   My ball sagometer is at 6” today…

   You know those orange cones they put on the highway for you to knock down? I just beat my high score last night!

   Couldn't it have been a little cooler for National No Bra Day??

   A beautiful woman in the cafeteria just gagged while eating her banana... She's now dead to me.

   A man in a standoff with police demanded to marry Paris Hilton. Now he is undergoing psychological tests. Are these tests REALLY necessary?

   Dear Lionel Richie, what do woman have to do three times to make them a lady? Asking for slut.

   Rednecks have extremely generous Toothfairies, the way they keep giving up their teeth 4 in a row:)

   Women should support other women, not cut them down. Unless she really is a b!tch, then carry on ladies.

   OMG, Kourtney Kardashian had a baby!? I didn't even know she was worth talking about!

   Do you know how many people were gored in Spain during the running of the bulls? Same as last year: Not enough

   Wish my wife loved me like my cat does but she refuses to come in while I'm sh!tting and lick my leg.

   would like to go see Magic Mike, but only to explore the narrative, artistic, cultural, economic, and political implications of the film.

   I can always tell if they use fake dinosaurs in films.

   You know she is a groupie when she has hundreds of George Clooney pictures in her photo albums and only one of her boyfriend.

   My Ultra sensitive toothpaste hates it when I use other toothpastes

   Her cup size will determine how long the hug will last!

   Its so hot squirrels are pouring Gatorade on their nuts

   Once I participated in a "Nice Guy" 5K Run..... We all finished last.

   The imaginary enemy of my enemy is my imaginary friend.