Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You Know, I'll never be an Olympic athlete but I did participate in a Toyotathon once...

   another olympics, another stern letter to Australians reminding them kangaroos aren't athletes.

   Gay firemen were the first pole dancers. And they were fabulous.

   Nothing more uncomfortable than a girl with a lazy eye looking up at you while giving you head.

   Remember, ladies...It's better to wake up with a mysterious gash on your finger than a mysterious finger in your gash.

   Apparently, "I had an interview with a better company" is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.

   I forgot to buckle my 5 year old up in the car today, and while leaving the parking lot, this guy yells, "You're an irresponsible father!". I was like, "What the hell is that guy's problem? Stop the car son!"

   will never be an Olympic athlete...but I did participate in a Toyotathon once!

   dear gays. It's not you, it's me. I hate most straight people too…

   Never met a teenager driving a luxury car that I didn't hate.

   Somewhere out there, a man named Private Number is sobbing uncontrollably because no one ever takes his phone calls.

   I don't have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses.

   Why are those who profess tolerance intolerant of different viewpoints????

   @nal is completely unnatural...unless I'm doing it to a girl.

   It is true there is no "I' in team, but there is a lot of "I's" on the USA Olympic Men's Basketball Team

   Getting a guy to walk me home and then stabbing him will never get old.

   I hate when I think I've found a parking space, only for it to turn out to be a cart corral.

   Mr Bean should win the Nobel Peace Prize for recycling...the same lame act for the past 25 years.

   I'm not so good about doing the dishes. I just contemplated spreading peanut butter on bread - using scissors

   Good news guys! Only 17 more days until we can stop hearing about the Olympics!