Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Ladies, if you unnaturally alter your appearance so drastically it's all one sees, don't be shocked when you attract the shallowest of men.

   What is this "growing up" thing and how do I avoid it?

   There is over a billion people in China and there is also only two haricuts

   I work and pay taxes so the wealthy dont have to,

   Wow, the U.S. sychronized men's diving team are extreme h0m0sexuals.

   Ladies; The "JUICY" on the back of these shorts should really be on the front.

   B!tch don't flatter yourself. You're not even on my radar.

   It's not pretty being easy.

   Have you ever noticed that the crazies around h3re really suck at spelling and grammar?

   So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?

   I won't lie. I only started drinking coffee after I got too old for cocaine.

   Women are weird and difficult and frustrating but they sure do taste good.

   Today is World Middle Finger Day...use it

   "Thank god that day is over"-- Chikens

   I can summarise the 10 commandments into one: DON'T BE A DOUCHEBAG.

   I wish I were Gilbert Gottfried. He made it big from his only defining talent. The ability to squint for an hour.

   Cuddled up to my girlfriend last night, she said, “Aw you finally chose me over Facebook!” I just didn't have the heart to tell her my battery just died.

   The lap dance is so much better when the stripper is crying

   If you ever find yourself wondering if there is someone new in their life, chances are there is.

   G0D must be a vegetarian. He never talks about eating meat...it's always "daily bread" this and "breaking bread" that and "take this bread and eat it to remember me by" etc. What a carb lover he turned out to be.