Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You ask my name like you really want to remember it for the police report.

   Your Sunday morning bible lesson :And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."....... But John came fifth and won a toaster.

   I'm watching Olympics Women's Basketball. The USA is slaughtering China. I mean, the Chinese are so polite, they just hand the ball to the Americans, and say, "Go ahead! You make score!"

   Stay away from a place called, "Farm Fresh Restaurant". I ordered the chicken soup. A rooster walked up and teabagged his ball$ in a hot bowl of water at my table.

   Even in the Olympics, women's basketball is unwatchable.

   Played “Big Pimpin” when I saw the Jay-Z's at Toy R Us yesterday. It was worth the a$$ whipping!!

   I hate it when subway picks the crappiest sub for their "$5 sub of the month"

   OMG. A real girl in real life just tried to talk to me. I didn't know what to say, so I asked her what her zodiac sign was. That's good, right?

   My good morals are in my other pants.

   If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

   Ending sentences with prepositions is not something I have a problem with.

   Sex is awesome as long as you don't accidenatlly catch or create anything.

   If you're happy and you know it go share that bullsh!t on facebook.

   I walked past a lady in her car with convertible down. She locked the door out of fear. So I smacked her in the back of the head & ran way

   If these were Biblical times, instead of flogging Jesus they woulda forced him to watch "Jersey Shore" in it's entirety

   I win all of my breakups by not getting fat.

   Ladies, please. Get a hold of yourselves. There's enough of me to disappoint all of you.

   I feel bad for deaf people until I remember Justin Bierber.

   Preferred sexual position depends on your partner's breath; therefore, doggie remains the favorite for morning sex.

   We threw the body in the river. Then he just shrugged and asked if I ordered pizza yet. That's when I knew we were best friends.