Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   destructive forces have hit the Gulf Coast! Oh, and a hurricane sweeped by.

   Sorry if you don't like my Honesty. But to be fair I don't like your lies

   It's unbelievable how many problems go away by simply ignoring them and going to sleep.

   We lost Michael Jackson in 2009, Neil Armstrong just died...man we're losing all of our moon walkers

   the way everything you do is connecting to facebook, I look for bank accounts to get connected one day & the bank teller will say "that check bounced but we see ur friends with this person who looks rich...ask them to borrow some"

   I'm so proud of my African pen pal friend. He tells me he hasn't had a drink in weeks. I'm so glad, he's staying sober.

   When I'm calling someone, while the phone is still ringing, I rehearse to myself how I'm going to say hello..

   "You must not only respect the pouch, but yourself as well." - Capri-Sun Tzu

   Apparently, mother nature isn't too fond of the brothers either…

   Single life might be lonely, but at least I'm always with my favorite person

   I need to find out what my company needs to do in order to get protests by topless women.

   My ship has sailed, now I am waiting for the UFO.

   How do Vampires shave each day.....I mean they are not able to see their reflection in the mirror.

   When I text someone in the same room as me, I stare at them until they get it...

   Hey Tiffany, Hurricane Isaac is gonna hit the Gulf Coast. no where near the West coast.... got back to high school...

   gonna take the Christmas lights down...

   Sorry... my powers can only be used for good.

   "Lisa from down the street just showed me a picture of her new baby on her phone." I said to my wife. "That's great" she beamed, "So what did she have?" I said, "One of those Blackberry Curves I think..."

   Science Fact: If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die

   We couldn't afford to go to "SeaWorld",, So I took the kids to the fish market,, and it went like this.. Kids: Dad,, why aren't the fish moving? Me: Shhh,,,, the fish are sleeping.. Kids: But,,They're breaded ?Me: that's their blankie..