Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Don't drink to drown your sorrow. Sorrow knows how to swim.

   I hate when couples say "we're expecting a baby." Like, what the else were you expecting to grow inside you?!

   I shaved my right leg, just to feel i'm sleeping next to you :) j.G

   Look ma, no meds!

   Ever notice it's only "stalking" if the person doing the stalking is unattractive.

   Old songs = Best memories

   Bird took a dump on my car. So I waited until it left the nest and.... Oh man. You should have seen how confused the bird was...

   Im worried, about that one cute sweet innocent girl who keeps liking my fb post.

   I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.

   How do you know if someone is Vegan?? Don't worry, they'll effin tell you

   Learned a lesson from my dog tonight.................No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.

   There would be no limits to what a man could achieve... if he were to apply the same level of focus, persistence and dedication to his daily life... that he does when drunk and trying to convince a hot lesbian to sleep with him...

   i finally figured out what I wanna be when I get older...........................Younger!

   I'm thinking of writing in "Anti-Christ" for presidential candidate choice... Either way, my pick wins...

   The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

   I called it "Perseverance" the court, however, called it "stalking"

   Im kinda new to video games, how do I get these ghosts to stop following me

   any body else going to grab a six pack order a pizza and watch the GOP convention?

   Relationships are all about finding someone that hates children just as much as you do.

   Somedays, I just like to live wild and dangerous... These are the days I say to a woman, "calm. the. hell. down."