Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dating a single mother: It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

   I've never been skydiving,, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.

   How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

   Children make you fat because you have to eat all their leftover food.

   My dog and I like to sniff crotches.

   I love being in that mood where everything is hilarious!

   Don't tell secrets near a grape vine.

   Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?

   I put a moron filter to screen my Facebook news feed... Now I only see 5 statuses a day... :(

   I joined the Adopt-a-Highway program, I got the road to now where....

   before the letters FDNY became a fashion statement on hats, it was worn on the back of brave dudes with mustaches, NEVER FORGET 9/11

   Pubs are not a good place to bring your kids. That's why I lock mine in the car.

   I propose a rule where girls under 18 must wear a big red tag with their age in bold print...especially in warmer months.

   Does anyone else worry that when you doodle, youll accidently scrawl an arcane symbol in a dead language and summon a demon from the netherworld? No? Just me then..

   "All gave some, and some gave all" Remember 9/11......

   Dear Lord please help me be strong enough not to share my political views on Facebook so I do not offend half the people I know. Amen. There I said it. Go Broncos!!!!

   Self esteem doesn't come from a bottle. Of course not, you pour it into a glass.

   Kim Kardashian says her divorce was like beating cancer. In archived footage, Kim can be seen beating and blowing a 12 inch cancer.

   I don't always eat breakfast naked, but when I do, I get escorted out of IHOP really quickly......

   Women who are addicted to sex are called 'nymphomaniacs', while men who are addicted to sex are called 'men.