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Sorry if I hit a nerve, I was aiming for your jugular. 
Obviously there's a hole in this wine glass.
I should at some point in my life learn to cook for one..I only know how to cook for ten or more..spaghetti anyone?
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the heck down.
I've decided I'm not going to have kids. I love babies, but I'm just not ready for the commitment of uploading that many photos to Facebook.
I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 2 minutes.
I found Samuel L. Jackson's swear jar and I don't think he's being completely honest with himself.
It's very important that EVERYONE gets a flu shot this year so I don't have to.
.... Tonight I went to a gunfight and the BET Awards broke out......
gun fired at the BET awards...dont they listen to rap music & realize the rappers have guns....try a metal detector at next year's award show
BET AWARDS MAYHEM - this happens every time these people get together. No, I don't mean b lack people, I mean silly rap ''artists''.
A gunfight broke out at the BET Awards and yet some people still don't believe in stereotyping…
Cheerleading was invented when some girl got mad because everyone was watching men…
it would be really hard to read something Yoda wrote if he was also dyslexic
I was talking to a nice young women last night, she asked me if I like breast or legs. I told her what I really like is a nice shaved snatch. Apparently I'm not allowed in KFC anymore.
I don't care how many athelets and hotties you hire Buick, I'm 40 years from owning one...
does Life feels heavy and the days are not really what you want? The solution is to look at life as a male dog. if it can not be eaten or fu#ked, so piss on it and move on ...
Click like if you think it's a pain in the @ss when livejasmin pops up and disturbs in the middle of everything
Frustration is when you bought a new boomerang and notice that you can not throw away the old one
Life got 4 steps. 1: you belive in santa. 2: you don't belive in santa. 3: you are santa. 4: you look like santa
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