Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   no clue what to do without some glue to sniff

   I'm sorry, call me old fashioned, but I think shorts should be longer than your v@gina.

   1+1=3 if you don't use a condom.

   bad sex is better than a good day at work!

   I'd marry a woman based on her ability to make gravy...

   Lindsay Lohan was attacked in NYC, but is still alive... Epic. Fail.

   I met a Spanish man with a Rubber toe......his name was Roberto

   If you love something,, let it go..... That's EXACTLY what I've done with my body....

   Today on Egypt news TV: Morgan Freeman reported as dead....... DNA discovers the missing link to Lazareth

   I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.

   Sad news. Morgan Freeman passed away again today. ..This is twice in two months

   O.K.,, I've got my bucket list.. Now what do I DO with all these buckets.

   I'm playing the Titanic drinking game. Every time you see someone dead you have a shot of vodka!

   69% of everything a guy reads, he finds something dirty in it.

   True Story: Seeing a car set on fire with no doors at 12 midnight outside your miami house window is a sure sign KuKluxKlan has been doing some recruiting.

   Instead of thinking outside the box, why dont we get rid of the box?

   I wonder how many of you were conceived at an orgy?

   I know it's Fall because my brother got his d ick stuck in the leaf blower again.

   Compared with what normally comes out of Justin Bieber's mouth, I'd say vomit was probably the highlight of the concert.

   If a tree fell in the woods and knocked over my beer, I'd be pretty darned mad whether I heard it or not.