Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Never forget to love your family.. because when everyone is in and out of your life, family is always there

   I wonder if they had put "Osama bin Laden gave his Life to Christ at a Early Age.." on his Obituary like they do other Criminals?

   I can't understand half the things bilingual people say.

   asked the good folks a the pizza hut to NOT slice my pizza, my diet only allows for one piece!!

   So there's a t.v. show called, It's Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted

   I wish he had a heart so I could break it!! Stupid MF

   not hiding in the closet eating cupcakes....nom..nom nom

   I like my coffee the same as my women. Black and sweet and ready to be creamed in.

   I like my coffee the same way I like my men!! Rich, warm and can keep me up all night long ;)

   it too much to ask for a COFFEE only line at Tim Hortons? Wake up and smell the coffee Tim!!

   a good laugh and a long sleep are the best two cures for anything :)

   Ok, I cant take it anymore. Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.

   Some lady just told me that she was terrible at math and that she flunked "algeber". I'm sure she excelled in English class though.

   WARNING: "There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's" is apparently not a valid defense for Indecent Exposure.

   I use my birthday as an excuse to do whatever the hell I want. So basically it's just like every other day, except with presents.

   I know there's no such thing as evolution because if there was my Facebook page would've grown a "punch" button by now.

   Happy National Report Your Boss To HR Day everyone!!!

   I may not be the biggest or longest lasting, but I'm the most appreciative!!

   Some Girls are as easy to get over as they were to get under... Just Sayin'

   LADIES: So you are ordering the most expensive thing on the menu? You know that comes with d ick right?