Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm positive that somewhere out there exists a video montage of me dancing alone in various elevators.

   Being a loyal woman does not mean you have to be loyal to his bullshi t too.

   Honey Boo Boo? Sounds like sumthin Winnie the Pooh would do when he's had too much honey

   Trying to figure out where in my relationship I went wrong that she stopped folding my underwear

   When someone says they are sending you an email and if you don't see it check your spam mail, you always gotta wonder why their account got flagged in the first place

   In lieu of the formal presidential debates,,, Let's just play Micheal Jackson's "Beat It",,, and eliminate the candidate that claps on 1 and 3

   I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?

   I am pleased to announce that the PR firm of Helland-Hunt, LLC will be handling the issuance of all apologies on my behalf from now on. So, if you're looking for an “I'm sorry” from me, please go to Helland Hunt for it..

   The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.

   it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone's mouth while they are talking?

   Men, if you aren't prepared to hear all about my ex, don't ask me how I'm doing…

   Smart phones may be great for tittie pics but they suck when your co-worker just had a baby…

   love just isn't enough to keep two people together. You need money too to finance that shingding.

   They say if she stayed by your side even when you broke her heart, then she is the one. I say she is the one alright, the one dumbass.

   Oh, you have an MBA from an online college? Please tell me how to fix our economy!!

   Sometimes I use unforgettable movie characters to inspire me. You know, like Ferris Bueller…

   if you're too lazy to get a photo ID maybe you shouldn't be voting anyway...

   Why does the DB at work with the least experience always think he has all the answers??

   I'm still kinda pi'ssed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street

   Your kid can't walk? Let's have a 5k, that'll make them feel better...