Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Dear ex, I wouldn't delete you as a Facebook friend. I want you to see the happiness I found after you left.

   She say I drive her crazy, well that makes sense coz I am a crazy driver.

   Was at the drug store and the kid in front of me was buying Magnum condoms. I gave him a thumbs up. He said "Impressed?" I said "I am impressed, that you bought those with a straight face".

   Thanks to the color of their bras, sizes of their shoes and for some really random reason - how long they take to straighten their hair, I am now aware that breast cancer exists. Couldn't have done it without that crucial information!

   So did anybody catch X-factor? That BIG BIRD looking chick was singing , more like squacking! guess her future on the line too.

   I refuse to watch any presidential debates until they are both hooked up to lie detectors.

   Unemployment is up to 8.2%. Axelrod just got fired...

   It doesn't matter what subject Adele will write her tracks about, all her songs sound like she's singing about cheeseburgers

   Lincoln mentioned? check...Reagan mentioned? Check. CRAP!! if Obama or Romney would of would of mentioned "Tebow" I would of had bingo on my card!

   Adele is pregnant. Can't wait for her next album where she writes 17 angry tracks about diaper changing and crying babies

   When I'm at a restaurant I like to ask the waiter, “What's your most frequently photographed entree?”

   Hollywood is way out of touch. This new show on every channel is so lame...

   This debate reminds me of watching MAD's Spy vs Spy!!

   I feel like I am watching two middle aged house wives arguing over whose cookie recipe is better.

   I'm pretty sure the inked up girl working at Starbucks isn't making the full contribution to her 401k...

   O Lord, give me the superpowers to change the things I cannot accept with serenity. ....Amen.

   My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.

   Global Bacon shortage better be the first debate question tonight, and I WANT ANSWERS! No lies....

   You're so innocent. Let's fix that.

   Love is such a strong word But then again, so is C*NT