Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Sexy is when a woman is hot enough to flaunt it but chooses not to

   You're a 90s kid if… you wore the light up shoes! Those were badass.

   Unless life also hands you water and sugar, that lemonade is gonna damn suck.

   When I die, I want My body to be thrown out of a plane wearing a Superman costume

   Seems like it's going to be “die trying” rather than “get rich” kind of life.

   i was going to dress up as Cailey Anthony for halloween but my mom said shed kill me

   gas prices are so high in California I saw 12 Mexicans on one skateboard…

   there are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those who love beer and idoits...

   I want Mythbusters to find out if fat girls really do give better head!!

   Why is that cotton candy talking? Grandma, that's Niki Minaj.

   Comin' up next on Mythbusters: Does Democracy REALLY work??.. ( high-speed footage of Buster being shot out of a cannon and into a voting booth.. )

   Apparently, I didn't use enough a$$hole repellent today.

   This b itch that started the whole "You can't hurry love" bullsh-it obviously gave terrible blow jobs.

   Please write another brilliant status about how high you are. I'm on the edge of my seat here.

   I wish I had the confidence in real life that ugly people have on Facebook.

   Relax... You'll only be sore for a few days.

   Nothing makes a guy clean his house faster than a woman saying "I'm on my way".....

   I wonder how many women refuse to date me because my hair is better than theirs.

   You can choose your friends, but you're stuck with your coworkers.

   If chickens knew how tasteless they are without herbs and spices, they'd kill themselves.