Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Leave the thing you're supposed to do today for tomorrow cause maybe you'll die and then you won't have to do that thing.

   As a woman, I always take good care of my eyes coz they are the only balls I have.

   I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.

   Beer tastes so delicious when you hate everyone!

   I had to take back my OJ Simpson Halloween costume because the glove didn't fit.

   Kids these days are spoiled. Ipads, smart phones, video games, etc. But they'll never know the joy of putting an Ozzy Osborne cassette tape in a Teddy Ruxpin

   Are you stalking me? Cause that would be awesome!

   If you ever want an OUTSTANDING job/character reference, make sure you list someone that you KNOW hates your ass at your current employer. They'll be so happy to be rid of your ass nothing but good things will come out of their mouth.

   I don't do anything at 7am that doesn't involve Sleeping, Sex, or Bacon.

   Your ass must get jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth!

   has plenty of girls who can suck, he's looking for the one who can blow his mind

   I don't feel like doing anything today...except for you...I'd do you.

   Doesn't like being told what to do unless he is naked

   not sitting at home praying, he is out somewhere being prayed for!

   Where have you been my whole life? And could you please go back there?

   laughing because I just pictured you naked!

   I really need to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" Some people are starting to take it as a personal challenge!

   It's kinda funny how in 2010 and 2011 people were freaking out about 2012. Now it's 2 months from December and no one gives a crap

   Home is where I can look and feel ugly and enjoy it.

   Strict parents create sneaky children.