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THE QUESTION ISN'T Who Won Debate? THE QUESTION IS Who Swallowed DE-BATE! 
Warning Ladies: Alcohol may cause the following side effects: 1. Compulsive giggling. 2. Delusions of awesomeness. 3. Temporary lesbianism.
We were bored and pretended it was love.
You win some, you booze some!
Dear Doctor Phil, I was wacking off, looking out our bathroom window at the neighbor lady sunbathing topless. And seen my wife watching me with her arms crossed and giving me a dirty look...My question is, Is she perverted?
When I date single moms, I tell the kids "I'm not trying to fill the hole left by your father; just the ones inside your mother."
The only good part about some people is forgetting them.
October is breast cancer awareness month. So I stare, ladies.... cuz I care
I laugh at your claims to bravely take on a zombie apocalypse when most of you won't even stand up to a spider.
Stranger things have happened. Remember how Mary, Jesus's mother got pregnant without sex??
I always tell the ladies that the magic happens in the bedroom because their high hopes of sexual fulfillment seem to disappear there.
I may not be the guy you're looking for or the guy who you think you would fall in love with, but I deserve a chance to prove you wrong dammit!
"I barely know you are you sure you want to have sex?" Things you will never hear a guy say
Girls; Don't kill yourself over a boy. He'll just bring another girl to your funeral.
Whenever I attend a wedding, to truly celebrate the anticipated short duration of the marriage, I throw Minute Rice.
I've looked all over ESPN for last night's WWE match winners but it's like it's not a real sport…
If voting really mattered, politicians would try to make it illegal.
No word from my date last night. I texted "We Might As Well Be Strangers" & "This Is The Last Time!" Hope I'm not coming across too Keane.
Sometimes when I'm bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I've never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
Happy Birthday to John Lennon who would have turned 72 today....Imagine!
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