Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "Zebo, a half blind five year old south african orphan has to ride seven miles a day with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes. Give just a small donation of two dollars and we will send you the video its hilarious."

   Sence its started raining, all my wife has done is looking through the windows. If it gets any worse I'm gonna have to let her in!

   You would think that by now there would be rap battle re enactors.

   Redial; because hanging the phone up on you once isn't good enough...

   How am I supposed to make an educated decision when I dont know what the hell skinny tastes like!!!

   I may be a women but I sure do wish I had enough gentleman in me to pull off a monocle.

   After all this time,,,How much Foo is there really left to fight?

   What's black, white, has gills but flies and is available at book stores??.................I don't know, nothing probably, cuz that's ridiculous.

   If Couples That Are In Love Are Called "Love Birds", Then Couples Who Are Always Fighting And Arguing Should Be Called "Angry Birds"

   Hey Jessica Biel,,,,,,,,, Please,, Please,, Please,, name your kid Batmo

   So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?

   One of the guys that dated Taylor Swift should write a song called, "Maybe You're The Problem."

   The Movie "Independance Day" is SO unrealistic.. This guy's using his computer to access an alien ship & NOT ONCE did it ask if he wanted to upgrade his Adobe.

   Kurt Cobain would be so disappointed to find out teen spirit now smells like Axe body spray

   Relying on the government to protect your privacy is like asking a peeping tom to install your window blinds.

   If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there.

   I wonder if women ever walk into a bar, see lots of women and think, "This bar sucks, it's a taco fest in here!"

   The only worse thing than 'the one that got away' is the one that won't leave me alone.

   My neighbor swears he was anally probed by an alien. Anyone want a slightly used alien costume?

   I think a lot better when my mind is blank!