Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you love someone, set them free. If they come back knocking on your door with two police officers, you'll know that setting them free was a bad idea.

   Most relationships can survive a lot, but not shopping together for a new couch.

   If you were mine, your next boyfriend would thank me for straightening your clueless and inexperienced ass out.

   I named my truck Karma, so if I ever run someone over I can say: Yeah…it was Karma.

   Voting for president is getting to the point where it's simply which guy would you rather watch dump all your money into a toilet and flush.

   If you don't grab the opportunity by the ass someone else will.

   My wife only drinks so she can tolerate me when I'm drunk.

   Fellaz; Stop whining about being friend zoned. I'm sure it's an upgrade from the usual “Never in a million year”, “Not if you were the last man on earth” or “leave me the hell alone”. At least you are not in the dead zone.

   If girls were dinosaurs they'd be dramasaurus.

   Given that he's a wrestler, do you think Hulk Hogan was "REALLY" having sex on that tape?

   Buses are just limos for poor people.

   Calories are tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter every night.

   When you hear "that's illegal in 49 states," the other state is always Kentucky.

   Killed a spider without screaming so I'm pretty sure I'm about to get elected as the next Secretary of Defense.

   I Just backed into a Jaguar, but I left him a note on my bank statement,, so he knows not to bother calling

   “Don't worry boss, I'll make you look like a genius!!” Joe Biden

   Anyone know how to get half a cat out of my car grill? Anyone???

   These gas prices are crazy,I'm tired of being Sandusky'd every time I fill up!

   I've learned so much from my mistakes...I'm gonna make a few more.

   I'd like to be so rich I forgot what country I left my private jet at after a crazy weekend