Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Remember to smile at your enemies. It makes you the bigger person, plus your smile will be prettier than their frown. They hate that.

   OK, the coast is clear; you can stop acting normal now.

   If a book about failures doesn't sell is it a success?

   Some people say, “Facebook me” while others say, “Follow me.” But, I miss the classic, “blow me.”

   Life is weird, first you wanna grow up, then you wanna be a kid again..

   I'm a smart person... I just do stupid things..

   I'm just not that into you. Maybe we should try a different position.

   My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.

   Google Facts: It's a common prank in Japan to shove your fingers into someones ass. It's called Kancho!

   Compromising with a woman doesn't mean you are wrong and she is right.. . it only means that Sex is more important than your Ego

   Lets not waste our time wondering whether or not this is a waste of time

   If you can wipe it off with a wet towel, it's not beauty.

   Inventing a new sex move called "El Dorito." It's where I drop a chip down my bra and go on a pretty hectic search for it while sobbing.

   Sometimes things just don't work out. And for those times there's always alcohol.

   I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?" -Steven Wright

   You're like the first time I wash my hair after a good cut...I thought there had to be more...but now I'm just glad you're gone.

   I was trying to get my girl to try @nal. She said "Fine I'm gonna stick my finger up your ass and see how you like it!" The wedding is in a week

   I was just driving behind a car covered in pro life stickers and I thought "Man, that car hates abortion". Then it dawned on me that I don't know my car's political views. What if my car is a Republican? Or a racist? Maybe I don't want to know. I like my

   I'm always very flattered and humbled when I get an invitation on facebook from someone I don't know, to attend something I never heard of, along with about 12,000 other people.

   On My Way To Walmart For Some Rascal Tipping