Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   When others say you can't do something, don't listen. You get out there and prove them right!!

   Some kid keeps prank calling me so he just got the "Liam Neeson Speech" from Taken. I'm sure his parents will be calling soon...

   i wonder if they threaten Spongebob's job tonight....all parents are hoping

   Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.

   If I offer you an inch and you decide to help yourself to a mile! I won't bother waiting for Karma to take care of business...Just Sayin'

   Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.

   Babies never smile in their pictures. Why are they so pissed???

   Jobless claims went down this month only after the Obama administration laid-off California.

   My life's ambition is to one day have wiki-link about me, containing the word "Condition."

   I asked a cow if it had a beef with me. We both laughed and laughed and then I ate it.

   One of the biggest lies ever told; The Doctor will be with you in a couple of Minutes.

   Don't complain about the wound when you voluntarily handed someone the dagger.

   I had a prince once. I traded him in for a man.

   I masturbate so much that when a woman tries to give me a hand job my d ick yells "stranger danger!"

   You know how people tend to become like their pets and vice versa? My dog needs a liver transplant.

   There's something F'd up with America if Lindsay Lohan can get in a fight in a limo then take a private jet from NY to LA...

   found the secret to life via this mathematical formula. To calculate, enter the following in Google: exp((-(((x-4)^2+(y-4)^2)^2))/1000)+exp((-(((x+4)^2+(y+4)^2)^2))/1000)+0.15*exp(-(((x+4)^2+(y+ 4)^2)^2))+0.15*exp(-(((x-4)^2+(y-4)^2)^2

   10/11/12. We get it, already. Except it's really 10/11/2012...

   Some are offended by my use of profanity. So them, I'd like to say F uck off!!

   Look..I'm not trying to be difficult...it actually comes easy to me.