Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   "I'M NOT RACIST, I DON'T LIKE BIDEN EITHER!!!"

   They should change wording on “check engine” light to “this shit's gonna cost ya

   Everyone pretends to die in front of their dog, just to see how they would react

   You're right, all guys are the same. It has nothing to do with you exclusively dating douchebags

   girls at hooters may be hot. but when it comes down to it, the ladies at subway are the real wife material..

   A kick in the nuts is above 9000 del (units) of pain, which is similar to giving birth to 160 kids and breaking up to 3200 bones at a time

   My iPhone just auto-corrected "f?ck you" to "whatever you say honey

   keep having a recurring dream. It's like the Family Guy giant chicken fight, but its Romney and big bird

   Thinking about opening a Vietnamese/Italian restaurant and naming it Pho, get about it.

   if money can't buy happiness why are homeless people so sad??

   It's like my dad always said, "Don't call me Dad."

   As confused as an atheist who's stuck behind a car that isn't moving at a green light & has a bumper sticker that says 'Honk if you love God

   I've got 98 problems, so I need 1 more.

   If Obama was Pepsi and Romney was Coca-Cola, then I would definitely drink water or tea.

   Harry Potter and the Soul Crushing Responsibility of Adulthood.

   when I was little not only did I have to walk to school..my dad would drive by and flip me off.

   I just watched a dude squeeze a lime into his beer, but I'm afraid if I say anything he'll hit me with his purse.

   Coworker invited me to lunch which is hilarious because I've never had a job in my life.

   At any given moment there's at least 7 to 13 ninja's in your house.

   My wife just left the room to go fart. Thirteen years together and we're still not there yet.