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Having a p enis doesn't make you a man. Getting mad at some Ikea wood pieces after not reading the instructions makes you a real man. 
Music doesn't deserve our bad memories.
Quick! Marry me, I'll explain later.
A broken spirit doesn't stay broken forever. When it's whole again, God have mercy on my tormenters, because I won't.
to all bullies out there enjoying what they do: One day you will have kids too...have fun when they get bullied, I know I will! ;)
"Balloon boy" and his Dad are watching this launch, envious on an incalculable level!
Now accepting wagers as to which will be the faster and more prolific descent today: Felix Baumgartner space jump or the Buffalo Bills....
Cortana dies at the end of Halo 4. There, I just saved you 6 hours of your life.
Ladies, if he's wearing a hat in every picture; guess what's under that hat. Yep, nothing…
Guys, if her FB is full of pictures but none of her; run, run like the wind…
If you think 7 yrs is bad luck for breaking a mirror, try a broken condom!
"Rawr" does NOT mean "I love you" in dinosaur. You ever seen Jurassic Park? It means, I'm going to eat you
What does the Michael Jackson action figure have written on the back of the box? Not suitable for children. Colors may vary.
give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate...
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it's because she's a big dumb stinkyhead that's jealous of my awesome Transformers collection
I'm going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837.
The doctor said I may have a strained abdominal muscle which is cool because that means I have an abdominal muscle
When the car in front of me is driving slow, I move to the side a bit so the cars behind me can see I'm not causing the traffic.
Occasionally, I like to go to walmart, buy a jar of Vaseline, a cucumber and a Bottle of Gin and wink at the cashier
I am so lazy that I don't even run in Grand theft auto
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