Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Well, I watched the free fall but I couldn't even see him falling because his gigantic balls were in the way.

   50 Shades of Grey... the most sold erotic novel written by an ugly woman

   The only reason I run with scissors is because the person I'm trying to stab is usually running too.

   If being interrogated counts as talking to people then yes, I've been talking to people.

   I can tell within 19 seconds of meeting you if our sex is going to be consensual or not..

   If you sweat when you eat, does it count as exercise?

   Remember: no matter how bad your situation and how hopeless you feel there is always someone doing way better than you

   Watching The Walking Dead, everyones finally safe and theres no dang...wait...Wheres Carl?

   Mary must've given some pretty good head for Joseph to buy into all THAT shi t.

   I told my girlfriend that I would accompany her on her shopping trip to the mall. I have packed enough food and water to survive for three days.

   You would think dressing spiders up as clowns would make them less scary, but it doesn't, it's way worse, I was so wrong on this one.

   all my mistakes have had names.

   Heard a rap song that didn't mention money, cars or hoes...Now i'm frantically trying to remember whether I took the blue or green pill!

   Screw you guys who say you like crazy but when you meet true crazy you back off.

   "Sometimes you have to be really high, to see how small you really are, I'm going home now." - Felix Baumgartner

   The slower the kiss, the easier for love to slip through.

   Love is not only for lovers, it is also felt by friends who understand each other more than lovers.

   Yuck. There's nothing more disgusting than cigarette butts in the urinal.. What's worse is that their so d@$% hard to light!

   I would probably leave my wife at this gas station if I knew how to make sandwiches.

   I don't trust Penguins. I know you can fly!