Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar.

   I'll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar.

   I wish I had a biker chick for my woman. Skinny legs, big b00bs, pot belly, and a face like Popeye.

   To me, both Presidential candidates seem kinda limp. I think the United States may be suffering from electile dysfunction ツ

   I think there should be an internation law mandating that Kate Beckinsale wear black latex body suits 365 days a year.

   I got fired from work on pajama day... It's not my fault I sleep naked.

   Wanna see new features on your TV that you never knew existed? Let a baby play with the remote for about 12 seconds.

   Auditioning for Animal Planet's new series, "I Shouldn't Be Awake."

   Felix proved one thing today: No matter how high you go... you will end up on earth!!

   Some bruises are worth it.

   Excuse me, is this s tatus taken?

   It's October and soon you'll see those orange round things with scary carved faces everywhere. That's right, the cast of Jersey Shore is on tour.

   If you are fighting and someone yells worldstar you better fight for your life

   Happy 35th, Atari 2600

   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

   Sometimes reasoning with people is like a cat trying to bury a turd under a concrete tile floor!

   Abraham Lincoln was a badass vampire hunter too?? Why did I never learn about that in school?

   Give a man a gun he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the whole world

   What doesnt kill you......seriously disappoints me!

   ...... Congrats to Mr Baumgartner for breaking the sound barrier!!!! He's very lucky that the records were the only things that were broken!!!!