Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Why can we only bet on horses, why can't we bet on two-bit hookers being chased by knife wielding rabbis? I'd bet on that shi t.

   I overheard my neighbor telling someone on the phone that I am creepy and wierd. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under her bed and confront her.

   "I have 37 pairs of shoes, 23 purses, 9 pairs of sunglasses & an overflowing closet but how dare you waste $200 on that stupid toy!" - Women

   I wish I was in a gang so I knew what do to with my hands in pictures.

   The best part about pooping with the door open in the morning is being able to see everyone's face at Starbucks.

   The only pain that brings my soul to its knees is hers.

   I don't have any old girlfriends. They're all so young.

   My favorite mythical creature is the Honest Politician

   Pulled into the grocery store parking lot, went down one isle and was coming up the other when I saw an open spot one space from the end nearest the door and thought, "what a break"......God I hate Smartcars.

   I entered the word bit*h into my GPS and guess what, I'm in your driveway!!

   canceling my subscription!! I'm tired of your issues.

   I think Jerry Springer should moderate the next debate.

   I wished I was in a gang so I'd know what to do with my hand in pictures

   I'm glad that "worchestershire" isn't a word we have to use everyday! I would appear retarded.

   I think it's safe to assume that 1991 Ice Cube would kill 2012 Ice Cube

   I would never make fun of a fat person at the gym. At least they are trying to do something about it and deserve cheers not jeers.

   When a grammar Nazi gets sad and lonely, give them a hug and say, "There, their, they're."

   The trickiest tongue twister in the English is apparently '"Sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick''. Give it a try and see for yourself

   After a one night stand I scream stranger danger repeatedly until they leave.

   Obama has 99 problems but Mitt ain't one.